I'll be honest, I'm not the best at this blogging thing. It's hard for me to get personal. I'm not an extroverted person. I tend to keep to myself and let out small bursts of myself kind of like little rays of sunshine poking from behind some clouds. Anyway, I want you to feel comfortable with me and what I offer. If I want you to connect with my art, I want you to understand where it comes from and the artist behind it. So here I am, in all of my glory... exposed.
My name is Kristina. I left my job two years ago to stay at home full time with my twin boys, and I love every minute of it. Don't get me wrong, it's challenging and can be exhausting, but watching them learn and grow is priceless. There is a downside though. No one tells you that being a stay at home parent is isolating. No one tells you that you quickly and very easily can lose yourself without even realizing you're slipping away. It isn't the children's fault. It's isn't your fault it happens, it just kind of happens while you're doing your best to parent. The job takes over and before you can realize, the spark of your passions has been smothered and covered by routine tasks of parenting, not unlike the hashbrowns at a Waffle House. The passion is still there... just buried beneath layers of life that you have to dig through in order to find it again.
I started my online stores in 2010. Back when I started them, I was in a mentally dark and depressive place. I was at odds with some of my closest family and I had lost one of my dearest friends. I didn't really know where else to turn except inward. Even as a child, I reflected on my emotions through art and poetry. Back then, I mostly used writing as a tool to express myself, but I wanted to connect with someone. I had lost so much. I just wanted a way to reach out and hope someone else would see it. So I started teaching myself how to design through free programs like Inkscape and then I eventually purchased Photoshop. Through sites similar to EnvatoTuts+, Designer blogs with tutorials, and of course YouTube video tutorials, I began to learn how to use functions within the programs and teach myself how to design.
After learning a bit, I found Zazzle and then Cafepress. It seemed like a win-win. Design all I want but keep no inventory, which was perfect because I had no room to store excess amounts of product. I had no clue about shipping costs and all of that, and print on demand sites take care of all of that on their end so I didn't have to. I signed up and got started. To be honest, I didn't think I would sell anything. The marketplace at Zazzle is full of amazing designers that I still can't compete with, so selling something of mine was just a fantasy in my mind. But then it happened! Then it kept happening.
My first sale was this Anchored religious coffee mug.
People were buying my designs on various types of products and I was humbled. It inspired me to keep learning and to keep designing. I was connecting with people in a way I had never connected before, through art. It wasn't about the money that came from the sells, it was about the fact that other people out there loved my work and connected with it. That encouragement helped to lift me out of that dark place, and I want to thank each and every person who has supported me by purchasing and/or sharing my designs. It means so much.
Now, as a mom of twin four year old boys, I found that I had lost my spark that I previously mentioned. It is through no fault of theirs. I let it slip away as I allowed being a mom to completely take over, and I lost my inner sense of self. Now, I am trying to gain it back. I want to find that woman who was so passionate about art, creativity, and the beauty within creation. I want to re-connect with myself and with my followers and consumers. This is why I have begun promoting and pushing new designs again. I am pushing myself.
If you are like me and you've allowed yourself to sink into the role of just a "mom" or just a "dad" and you've let your spark fade out, don't blame yourself but don't just let it die either. Make the time to reinvest in that spark or maybe even a new passion. You're worth it. Your sanity is worth it. Fight for that sense of self. It isn't wrong to need a version of yourself that doesn't revolve around your loved ones. It's okay to have something of your own. Find it, nurture it and let it grow you into a complete person. Your children will thank you for it. They need to see someone who is passionate and has goals, dreams, and hopes. You can give your children the world without giving up yours. It's all a matter of balance. I'm learning this too.
Don't let it be a power struggle within you, it will only cause stress and turmoil. Spark your passion and let that fire illuminate and empower you.
